Son of "Jokes": the Sequel

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New postby MarkS » Tue Aug 25, 2009 6:21 am

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any
woman. Many females use a date rape drug on the market called “Beer.â€
Here's to drinks that are stiff and conversations that are not

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New postby MarkS » Tue Aug 25, 2009 8:51 am

Grandma's boyfriend


A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, 'Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?'


Grandma replied, 'Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh.. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend.'

Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.

The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, 'Hello son, is your Grandma home?'

The little boy replied, 'Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend.'

The minister fainted..


Now, that's funny... I don't care WHO you are!
Here's to drinks that are stiff and conversations that are not

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New postby Bud » Tue Aug 25, 2009 10:29 pm

:rofl:
The theory of evolution by cumulative natural selection is the only theory we know of that is in principle capable of explaining the existence of organized complexity.
-Richard Dawkins

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New postby MarkS » Tue Sep 01, 2009 7:24 am

A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator. He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out. Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.

Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New Orleans please raise your hand?" Not one hand went up ...so she took them home and ate them.

Two lessons here:

1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are.
2. Blondes aren't as dumb as most folks think.
Here's to drinks that are stiff and conversations that are not

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New postby Bud » Tue Sep 01, 2009 7:32 am

:roflmao:

For a box of fresh crab, I'd have put my hand up. :wink:
The theory of evolution by cumulative natural selection is the only theory we know of that is in principle capable of explaining the existence of organized complexity.
-Richard Dawkins

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New postby Jeff » Tue Sep 01, 2009 7:48 pm

HAHAROTFLMAO!
Jeff
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New postby Bill » Mon Sep 07, 2009 4:09 pm

A blonde is showing off her new tattoo of a giant seashell on her inner thigh.

Her friends ask her why she would get such a tattoo and in that location.



She responds 'It's really cool. If you put your left ear up against it,
You can smell the ocean..'

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New postby Bud » Mon Sep 07, 2009 7:53 pm

:shock:
The theory of evolution by cumulative natural selection is the only theory we know of that is in principle capable of explaining the existence of organized complexity.
-Richard Dawkins

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New postby Jeff » Wed Sep 09, 2009 12:44 pm

Bill,
You forgot the picture Rob sent with the joke!
I'm sure it would explain everything to Bud.
Jeff
Jeff
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my friends and alive on my planet!

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New postby Bill » Wed Sep 09, 2009 4:41 pm

Jeff wrote:Bill,
You forgot the picture Rob sent with the joke!
I'm sure it would explain everything to Bud.
Jeff

Can't put that picture here. Aside from infinite expletives, this forum is (ahem) "family-safe".
:wink:

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New postby Bud » Wed Sep 09, 2009 9:39 pm

Bill wrote: this forum is (ahem) "family-safe".
:wink:

Au contraire, mon amie. (Pardon my French. ;) ) This board is prohibited to those under 13, because I don't want to deal with COPPA and because people loose all sense of reason when it comes to their kids. However, my web host is a company bases in China that prohibits "pornography". So, use the occasional fucking explitive you like, but don't post naughty pics or they'll shut me down. Also, I am a computing professional and I do direct business associates to my site from time to time, so I prefer to keep it rated PG13.
The theory of evolution by cumulative natural selection is the only theory we know of that is in principle capable of explaining the existence of organized complexity.
-Richard Dawkins

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New postby Bill » Thu Sep 10, 2009 12:21 pm

Bud wrote:Au contraire, mon amie. (Pardon my French. ;) )

Tres bien, monsieur! However, "ami" is masculine for friend, whereas "amie" is feminine. Last I checked <checks>, I'm definitely un ami. 8)

Bud wrote:This board is prohibited to those under 13

...inches or feet?

Bud wrote: post naughty pics or they'll shut me down.

Okay, if you insist. :twisted:

Bud wrote: Also, I am a computing professional

:shock: :roflmao:

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New postby Bud » Thu Sep 10, 2009 8:29 pm

Apparenlty I'm suffering from a little gender confusion,... but only in French. :lol:
The theory of evolution by cumulative natural selection is the only theory we know of that is in principle capable of explaining the existence of organized complexity.
-Richard Dawkins

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New postby Jeff » Wed Sep 16, 2009 5:03 pm

Apparenlty I'm suffering from a little gender confusion,... but only in French


No wonder curt will miss kissing you.
Jeff
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my friends and alive on my planet!

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New postby Jeff » Wed Oct 21, 2009 9:37 pm

Hi Tommy.

Hi Mark.

"You'll never believe it, but dirty rotten Johhny just
gave me this soda." says Tommy.

Mark starts to laugh.

"What's so funny?"

"Na Nothing." Mark says gaining control of himself, "So, How's
the soda?"

"Great! It's some new type of Root Beer."

Mark busts up again.

"What?"

"Okay, okay. I just saw Johnny and he asked me what would
happen if you farted into a glass of cola and gave it to someone."
Jeff
It's a great day to be with my wife,
my friends and alive on my planet!

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