Jokes

This forum is for general discussion on topics that do not fall into one of the more specific forums.
Posts: 3410
Joined: Sun Oct 26, 2003 8:52 pm
Location: Sitting at the computer

Re: Jokes

New postby Bill » Fri Sep 28, 2012 11:54 am

Robin Williams on Alcoholism

"You're about to f*&# a hobbit!"

:rofl:

User avatar
Posts: 3711
Joined: Wed Oct 29, 2003 11:48 pm

Re: Jokes

New postby Jeff » Fri Sep 28, 2012 10:56 pm

Very funny.
Jeff
It's a great day to be with my wife,
my friends and alive on my planet!

Site Admin
User avatar
Posts: 5937
Joined: Sat Oct 25, 2003 11:12 pm
Location: Gilbert, AZ

Re: Jokes

New postby Bud » Sat Sep 29, 2012 1:17 am

LMAO :rofl:
The theory of evolution by cumulative natural selection is the only theory we know of that is in principle capable of explaining the existence of organized complexity.
-Richard Dawkins

User avatar
Posts: 3711
Joined: Wed Oct 29, 2003 11:48 pm

Re: Jokes

New postby Jeff » Fri Nov 30, 2012 8:58 am

"Jesus loves you."
A nice gesture in church.
A horrific thing to hear in a
Mexican prison.
Jeff
It's a great day to be with my wife,
my friends and alive on my planet!

Posts: 3410
Joined: Sun Oct 26, 2003 8:52 pm
Location: Sitting at the computer

Re: Jokes

New postby Bill » Fri Nov 30, 2012 11:36 pm

Jeff wrote:"Jesus loves you."
A nice gesture in church.
A horrific thing to hear in a
Mexican prison.


:roflmao:

User avatar
Posts: 3711
Joined: Wed Oct 29, 2003 11:48 pm

Re: Jokes

New postby Jeff » Tue Mar 12, 2013 8:21 am

Told this at workm then saw it on internet:


An engineer driving westbound collides with a mathematician driving eastbound on the same highway. Their cars are completely demolished, yet neither driver has even a scratch. They each crawl from the wreckage, and they begin to marvel at what just transpired. “This is a miracle!” says the engineer. “Can you believe that neither of us got hurt?”

“I know!” says the mathematician. “And look! This bottle of whiskey in my back seat is still intact. Such an amazing occurrence calls for a celebration,” he says, as he unscrews the cap and hands the bottle to the engineer.

The engineer swigs half the bottle, then hands it back to the mathematician. The mathematician puts the cap back on and sets the bottle on the ground.

“Aren’t you having any?” asks the engineer.

“Nah,” says the mathematician. “I think I’ll wait till after the police arrive.”
Jeff
It's a great day to be with my wife,
my friends and alive on my planet!

Posts: 3410
Joined: Sun Oct 26, 2003 8:52 pm
Location: Sitting at the computer

Re: Jokes

New postby Bill » Tue Mar 12, 2013 9:25 pm

Jeff wrote: “This is a miracle!” says the engineer.

:blink: :huh:
:roflmao:

User avatar
Posts: 3711
Joined: Wed Oct 29, 2003 11:48 pm

Re: Jokes

New postby Jeff » Wed Mar 13, 2013 8:02 am

Found another engineer joke:

A team of engineers was required to measure the height of a flag pole. They only had a measuring tape, and they were frustrated that they couldn’t slide the tape up the pole. After a while, a mathematician happens by, hears about their problem, removes the pole from the ground, and proceeds to measure it easily.

When he leaves, one engineer says, “That is just like a mathematician! We need to know the height, and he gives us the length!”

<rimshot>
Jeff
It's a great day to be with my wife,
my friends and alive on my planet!

User avatar
Posts: 3711
Joined: Wed Oct 29, 2003 11:48 pm

Re: Jokes

New postby Jeff » Wed Mar 13, 2013 8:22 am

Just for Bill, who has such a hard time with spiritual references;
As copied from the internet:

An nerdy ex-catholic in a moment of need starts to pray,
Dear god, I...
oh wait, I don't believe in god anymore...

Dear Batman, I...


:rofl:
Jeff
It's a great day to be with my wife,
my friends and alive on my planet!

Posts: 3410
Joined: Sun Oct 26, 2003 8:52 pm
Location: Sitting at the computer

Re: Jokes

New postby Bill » Wed Mar 13, 2013 10:40 am

Jeff wrote:Just for Bill, who has such a hard time with spiritual references;
As copied from the internet:

An nerdy ex-catholic in a moment of need starts to pray,
Dear god, I...
oh wait, I don't believe in god anymore...

Dear Batman, I...


:rofl:


:roflmao: MUCH better! Haha! :roflmao:

And it's not spiritual references I have a hard time with, it's political. Get it straight, sheesh! :twisted:

User avatar
Posts: 3711
Joined: Wed Oct 29, 2003 11:48 pm

Re: Jokes

New postby Jeff » Sun Jul 21, 2013 3:02 pm

An Englishman, A Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar
and order large mugs of beer. Upon being served, each finds
a fly in his drink.

Repulsed the Englishman sends his beer back.

The Scotsman gently flicks his fly out of his mug and begins drinking.

The Irishman carefully lifts the fly up by his wings, holds it over his mug,
and, screams, ‘Spit it out! Spit it out!’

Erin go brah
Jeff
It's a great day to be with my wife,
my friends and alive on my planet!

Posts: 3410
Joined: Sun Oct 26, 2003 8:52 pm
Location: Sitting at the computer

Re: Jokes

New postby Bill » Mon Jul 22, 2013 9:16 pm

Jeff wrote:The Irishman carefully lifts the fly up by his wings, holds it over his mug,
and, screams, ‘Spit it out! Spit it out!’


:rofl: :thumbsup: :beer:

Previous

Return to General Discussion

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest